Patient 4987 Audio Transcript Series #1 -28 (Abbreviated)

<play recording>


Dr. L: McKenna, are you sure you don’t want to talk about the incident? 

Patient 4987: Yup.

Dr. L: You realize these sessions are a mandatory part of your probation?

Patient 4987: Yup. 

Dr. L: And you realize I must provide regular status reports based on conversation in these sessions?

Patient 4987: Yup.

Dr. L: And you realize these reports will inform my recommendations. Based on our conversations. In these mandatory sessions.

Patient 4987: Yup.

Dr. L: So…why not make the best of it? Give therapy a chance? Speak about something meaningful…to you? 

(20 seconds of silence)

Patient 4987: Yeah…so how are you getting your ferns to grow so healthy?

Dr. L: *deep breath* They’re fake.

Patient 4987: Ah, well. That makes sense.

Dr. L: Anything el-

Patient 4987: Nope.

<fast foward> 



Dr L: So just silence today? 

Patient 4987: Have you seen that Treehouse show on the DIY channel? Would you ever live in one of those? I think it might be kinda cool…but then you know one good wind and whoops! Smashed people.

Dr L: *sighs*

<fast foward> 



Dr L: So, silence? All session. I can sit and stare all day. 

Patient 4987: Ok.

<fast foward>  



Dr. L: *coughing* 

Patient 4987: That sounds a little bronchitis-y. 

Dr. L: I’m fine, thank you. So should we expect to have a conversation today or will this be another taciturn session?

Patient 4987: I’m happy to discuss all manner of things, Dr. I’m just not interested in an exhaustive exploration of my feeling or emotions regarding the “incident.”

(something heavy slaps a table loudly)

Dr. L:  (Shouting) Your viability as an agent with full backing depends on my reports. You are bright. You are capable and you are pissing your shot away! Are you forcing me to write negative things so you fail? Do you need to be punished? Or is just a destructive impulse? Without you giving me something I have to posit all three –

(a door opens)

Ms. K: (tentative tone) Is everything alri-

Dr. L & Patient 4987: YES!

(door shuts quickly…silence for 14 seconds then gales of laughter interspersed with coughing)

Dr L: (sighing, calmer tone) I’m feeling unwell and I’m losing my patience. That was uncalled for.

Patient 4987: No..that was good…that was like you are human. Or you really give a damn.

Dr. L: I am human. Is that what you’ve been waiting for McKenna? For me to show you I'm human? I care? My job isn’t to care. It’s to diagnoses, treat then get you back out and running.

Patient 4987: Then what the fuck are you here for doc? Your job is to support us so you listen to us bitch and whine? No, you gotta have some passion or you'd have screamed and bashed my head with that book and not your desk by now. Otherwise you’re just a half dead body going through the motions. Look, not even to get my self cleared, am I going to spill my guts to you and the recording device I suspect you have hidden somewhere in this room of dark brown leather chairs, brown fabric couches and fake green ferns - if you’re as cliché and fake as all this is.

Dr L: I could be faking it now. Acting this way *coughs*.... as a tactic to get you to talk.

Patient 4987: You could be. You probably are now a little, that you thought it aloud. But a moment ago you weren’t bullshitting me. You were yelling at me how you feel and being real. That's a Doctor I might talk with. But this by the book stereotype is never getting more from me than you have the last 27 hour and half sessions…just equally polite but ultimately nonsensical talk back. You get what you give.

Dr L: What if we do something different? Next couple of sessions we meet at a coffee shop – I know it’s not the environment that's - hey, quit it with the side eye!  *coughs then resumes* But sometimes an environment change encourages a shift of thought – at least for me. We don’t talk secret shop, we talk other stuff for 45 minutes or so. Then we come here and talk about one secret thing at time for a few minutes. Baby steps. Would you at least try that with me? We'll make it a progression.

Patient 4987: Why? Isn’t that illegal? And you could just write that I’m unable to work and move on. Am I on a challenge list or something? Will you get a bonus if you get inside my head, doc?

Dr. L: Look, I like you....Not in an unprofessional or romantic way. In a person way. Despite your stubborn games...I like you. I’ve seen your record. You’re good. You’re valuable to the group. But you're your own person too McKenna and some of that stuff.. is rough. There's more to you than this. And I think you can be…healthier. I think I can help you. And it'd be a waste to file you as "unredeemable."

(silence – 1 minute)

Patient: 4987: OK. You get one shot.

<end recording>